Anatomy of Customer Service (or Do You Want My Money or Not?)

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Based on a true story.

1. Apply for new credit card.

2. Get accepted for new credit card.

3. Wait for new credit card.

4. Wait longer for new credit card.

5. Get a letter that tells me to go to post office to get a different letter.

6. Sign for letter because security.

7. Get another letter that says wait longer for new credit card.

8. Wait longer.

9. Wait some more.

10. Receive new credit card and letter with PIN on same day because security.

11. Activate new card by phone because it’s 1993.

12. Use new credit card. Store does not ask for PIN or signature because security.

13. Try to pay bill online but can’t log on despite correctly answering four kinds of questions because security.

14. Try to pay bill at ATM like it says I can in the pamphlet they sent me but won’t give me that option on the screen because they can and there’s nothing you can do about it.

15. Try to pay bill at different bank’s ATM but still no dice.

16. Listen for laughter of capricious god.

17. Call toll-free number and get put on hold for forty minutes. Muzak is Air Supply because they hate me.

18. Send personal cheque in mail because it’s 1983.

19. Run credit card through paper shredder because Hulk smash.

20. Accept that I will never be happy.

21. Go to 1.

Also, before you ask which company, it was all of them.

About Sean Sandulak

Crazed recluse and sociophobe who has taken up writing after failing at everything else. Send pizza.