Nothing To See Here (or Move Along, Move Along)


Nothing (Photo credit: khalid Albaih)

So, I wish I could tell you about all the exciting things that happened to me this past week, but there aren’t any stories to tell.

  • No rocks fell from the sky and hit me.
  • No holes opened up in the ground to swallow me up.
  • I wasn’t diagnosed with a terminal disease.
  • I didn’t drown in a flood.
  • My clothes never caught on fire. Not once.
  • I didn’t win the lottery, but I didn’t get any bills either.
  • I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
  • Nobody noticed that I’ve lost weight.
  • I didn’t slip in the shower.
  • I wasn’t accused of being a witch.
  • I wasn’t hit by a car. Or a truck or a bus or a train. Or a speed boat or a marmoset.
  • I didn’t eat poison, or at least not enough.
  • I didn’t spend any time in prison.
  • None of my toenails fell off.
  • I didn’t lose my sense of smell.
  • I didn’t find ants in the kitchen.
  • I wasn’t implicated in a plot to kill the President.
  • No volcanoes exploded in my immediate vicinity.
  • I didn’t have to sleep under a bridge.
  • I wasn’t hunted for sport.
  • None of my organs were harvested for the black market.
  • I wasn’t forced to listen to a Celine Dion song over and over and over.
  • I wasn’t stabbed or shot. Or bludgeoned with frozen trout.
  • I didn’t have an aneurism while going to the bathroom.
  • There were no high-speed chases ending in a shootout with the police.
  • I didn’t forget how to tie my shoes.
  • I didn’t do laundry, but I probably should.
  • I wasn’t attacked by zombies. Or vampires or werewolves. Or mummies or ghouls or dragons or orcs or Klingons. Or giant lampreys or sentient mushrooms.
  • I didn’t catch my wife cheating with my ex-wife.
  • No eyes were lost or necks broken.
  • I wasn’t electrocuted.
  • I didn’t cut myself shaving.
  • I wasn’t abducted by aliens and probed.
  • I wasn’t denied my human rights.
  • I didn’t fall into the bear exhibit at the zoo.
  • Nobody called me a slut just for being a woman on the Internet.

Also, boring is sometimes underrated.


bored (Photo credit: rasc0b)

Crazed recluse and sociophobe who has taken up writing after failing at everything else. Send pizza.

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Posted in Blog, I'm Just Saying
9 comments on “Nothing To See Here (or Move Along, Move Along)
  1. vyvacious says:

    But you DID receive a death threat. Almost… And I’m not sure if that counts as last week or not… 😛


  2. Sounds like you actually had a pretty good week 🙂


  3. I envy your week….


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