I Redefine The Phrase Puppy Muffins (or Get Behind Me, Satan)

Puppy in the grass

(Photo credit: justmakeit)

So, a nun cut in front of me in line at the pharmacy today. That sounds like the start of a bad joke. And I guess in a way it is. The only way it would be funnier is if she were buying condoms. (She wasn’t. At least not today.) So it makes me wonder, if the champions of peace and guardians of charity can’t wait their damn turn to pay for garbage bags and a box of cookies, what hope is there for humanity.

I mean, seriously, what is wrong with people. I was walking along yesterday and saw a sign that a man had to put up on his fence. It read something to the effect of “please stop throwing your dog crap in my yard.” Now understand, this was not strays doing their business on the lawn, or people letting their dogs take a dump and then running away (the classic poop and scoot). No, this was people picking up their dog’s leavings and deliberately throwing them over this guy’s fence with such frequency that he felt the need to put up a sign.

Dog sign

(Photo credit: kicksonrt66)

Let me repeat that. People were throwing puppy muffins over this guy’s fence instead of walking four hundred feet to the garbage can that was in the park at the end of the street, or the dumpster that was two hundred feet away on the next street over, or garbage can a hundred feet away in the playground across the street, or the guy’s actual garbage can which was ten feet away.

Was he some kind of war criminal that people literally are flinging feces at his home? Is he a child molester or a city councillor? No, he’s just some guy who’s property line happens to run along the sidewalk. What does it say about us that we care so much for our canines that we will pick up our little dog’s dumplings, but at the same time care so little for the welfare of our fellow citizens that we will catapult Fido’s land mines into some unsuspecting sucker’s back lot? Human beings are equal parts entertainment and embarrassment.

Also, did you really think a sign would stop them?

A trashcan at a food court in Salt Lake City, Utah

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Crazed recluse and sociophobe who has taken up writing after failing at everything else. Send pizza.

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5 comments on “I Redefine The Phrase Puppy Muffins (or Get Behind Me, Satan)
  1. “Houston, we’re going to need a taller fence.” Guess that wouldn’t stop them, but maybe he could set up a video camera to see the culprits.

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    • Can’t go any higher because of zoning laws, already at six feet. And shouldn’t have to spend hundreds of dollars and waste time because people are idiots. And what are you going to do if you catch them, call the cops?

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      • Probably wouldn’t call the cops; just wishful thinking on my part. But perhaps if people knew they were under video surveillance, some of them might be deterred.

        Yes, I agree with you that people should have better manners. I feel sorry for the poor guy, having to deal with that.

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  2. I would have put up a sign saying “Warning! Dogs will be shot on site.” and have a picture of a cat with a rifle next to it. Then show the commitment by sitting outside with a shotgun and a fold out chair and watch people as they walk by. I’m willing to bet that after a while he won’t need to sit there and he will no longer be experiencing delicious dog muffins in his garden.

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    • I take it you’re more a cat person. It’s not the dogs that are the problem, it’s the people. Unfortunately you can’t shoot them without gong to jail. The law is somewhat less clear about dumping used kitty litter on their heads.

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