So, after avoiding it for many years, I finally caved and started a Facebook account. I’ve always been more of a Twitter guy. I like the brevity and simplicity of it. Facebook always seemed more like your parents’ social media. In fact, grandmothers are the largest growing demographic on Facebook. (May not be an actual fact, but it sure sounds convincing, doesn’t it?)
Mostly I started the account for anyone who wanted to get my blogs on that platform. But that seemed like a bit of a waste, so I started digging a little deeper. I just wanted to share with you some first impressions, because I couldn’t think of any thing else to write about today.
Who Are You?
There are two schools of thought on friending. (That’s a verb now, apparently. Because befriending is something you do only with real people.) One side thinks you should only friend people you actually know, and on the other side are insecure attention whores. Sorry, I meant people interested in extending their circle of acquaintances.
The ones who stick to people they know only see posts from people they would talk to anyway, so why don’t you just email each other pictures of your cats. The others are like hobos wandering around asking for change, but instead of money they want to tell you about how they found this great new aromatherapy website. (Something sticks about that. *rimshot*)
The worst part is the find friends algorithm, which basically assumes if you’re a friend of a friend, you should also be my friend, and completely ignores the fact that some of your friend’s fiends are total douchebags, and you really don’t want to read stuff from your ex’s new boyfriend. (Come back, baby. He’s no good for you. *sob*)
Don’t Go There
Stop suggesting sites. Just stop. Or if you have to, call it what it is – an advertisement. And you don’t have to “like” pages for places like Walmart. They are doing fine without you. By the way, why can’t I “dislike” Walmart, for sexist payroll policies, destroying small business, and for having generally crappy merchandise? And that place needs to enforce a dress code, seriously. (If you’re not clicking the links you’re missing half the post.)
Sally Field, FTW
Asking me to like your post sounds kind of needy. Maybe it’s just that Facebook terminology, but it kind of gives me the skeeves when I get requests like that. I realize you’re just trying to promote yourself, but there’s got to be a better way.
I Will Take The Ring To Mordor
Please, stop inviting me to events that are thousands of miles away. I don’t like to leave the house at the best of times, so I’m certainly not going to get on a plane and fly across an ocean for your book signing or your kids fifth birfday party.
Planet Of The Apps
Things like Words With Friends and Draw Something are like Inception level social media. For next time, I’m going to try out some of the (free) apps on Facebook and let you know what I think. Mostly because it gives me an excuse to be on the Internet. (Because I’m getting a cut from WordAds, this is technically my job now, and I’m going to write off my iPad on my taxes. I’m just kidding. I don’t pay my taxes.)
Also, I forgot all my friends on Facebook are going to read this. (They’re not.)
- Facebook Will Always Own You (gizmodo.com)
- Walmart the Most-Mentioned Black Friday Brand in Social Media (ubervu.com)
- Join Walmart Workers for Black Friday Actions (talkingunion.wordpress.com)
- Fake Facebook privacy notice circulates in response to proposed voting changes (business.financialpost.com)
- More Facebook friends cause more stress, study claims (telegraph.co.uk)
- Facebook not so fun with a click from boss or mum (todayonline.com)