I Know You’re My Friend But I Don’t Like You (or Adventures In Facebooking)

facebook engancha

On the Internet, everyone is a cat. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, after avoiding it for many years, I finally caved and started a Facebook account. I’ve always been more of a Twitter guy. I like the brevity and simplicity of it. Facebook always seemed more like your parents’ social media. In fact, grandmothers are the largest growing demographic on Facebook. (May not be an actual fact, but it sure sounds convincing, doesn’t it?)

Mostly I started the account for anyone who wanted to get my blogs on that platform. But that seemed like a bit of a waste, so I started digging a little deeper. I just wanted to share with you some first impressions, because I couldn’t think of any thing else to write about today.

English: Data from April 2011 Editor Survey th...

Who Are You?

There are two schools of thought on friending. (That’s a verb now, apparently. Because befriending is something you do only with real people.) One side thinks you should only friend people you actually know, and on the other side are insecure attention whores. Sorry, I meant people interested in extending their circle of acquaintances.

The ones who stick to people they know only see posts from people they would talk to anyway, so why don’t you just email each other pictures of your cats. The others are like hobos wandering around asking for change, but instead of money they want to tell you about how they found this great new aromatherapy website. (Something sticks about that. *rimshot*)

The worst part is the find friends algorithm, which basically assumes if you’re a friend of a friend, you should also be my friend, and completely ignores the fact that some of your friend’s fiends are total douchebags, and you really don’t want to read stuff from your ex’s new boyfriend. (Come back, baby. He’s no good for you. *sob*)

Don’t Go There

Stop suggesting sites. Just stop. Or if you have to, call it what it is – an advertisement. And you don’t have to “like” pages for places like Walmart. They are doing fine without you. By the way, why can’t I “dislike” Walmart, for sexist payroll policies, destroying small business, and for having generally crappy merchandise? And that place needs to enforce a dress code, seriously. (If you’re not clicking the links you’re missing half the post.)

1965- Sally Field as 'Gidget'

Sally Field, FTW

Asking me to like your post sounds kind of needy. Maybe it’s just that Facebook terminology, but it kind of gives me the skeeves when I get requests like that. I realize you’re just trying to promote yourself, but there’s got to be a better way.

I Will Take The Ring To Mordor

Please, stop inviting me to events that are thousands of miles away. I don’t like to leave the house at the best of times, so I’m certainly not going to get on a plane and fly across an ocean for your book signing or your kids fifth birfday party.

Words With Friends
Words With Friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Planet Of The Apps

Things like Words With Friends and Draw Something are like Inception level social media. For next time, I’m going to try out some of the (free) apps on Facebook and let you know what I think. Mostly because it gives me an excuse to be on the Internet. (Because I’m getting a cut from WordAds, this is technically my job now, and I’m going to write off my iPad on my taxes. I’m just kidding. I don’t pay my taxes.)

Also, I forgot all my friends on Facebook are going to read this. (They’re not.)

Crazed recluse and sociophobe who has taken up writing after failing at everything else. Send pizza.

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Posted in Blog, Things I know less about than I think
13 comments on “I Know You’re My Friend But I Don’t Like You (or Adventures In Facebooking)
  1. MishaBurnett says:

    Personally, I use Facebook to keep in touch with my family, and for coupons. That’s about it. I have very few “friends” and no interest in getting more of them.


  2. I am not on facebook because I have issues with their privacy issues, although I am sure I am missing out on a great way to market my blog. Like you, I much prefer twitter.


  3. Lavinia says:

    My facebook friends used to be only people I know in real life: friends, people I went to school with etc. But then more and more people that read my blogs would send friends requests (even though I have fan pages for both my blogs). Since I couldn’t say no to my readers, yet I didn’t know them to see everything I do on Facebook, I put all the people I don’t know in a group that can only see my public updates. Private updates are for people I know in real. I need Facebook because I have many friends and my sister abroad and it is easier to keep them up to date through Facebook, than actually chatting and emailing each one of them. Call me lazy, but I love this form of interaction with friends. Plus, they can also interact with each other when commenting over a picture, let’s say. It gives me the feeling we are all in the same place, even though we have oceans and seas or lots of land between us. Then, I liked things I am into: blogs, museums, magazines, media portals, universities, writers, shops, websites, communities, musicians etc. and I get updates from them in my newsfeed. I have learned about so many things that I couldn’t have possibly heard off other way, because I don’t have time to surf the net that much. I share what I find interesting. Of course, not all my FB friends will find it interesting, but maybe some will. So I consider I am helping them because I am very happy when I discover new interesting things shared by someone else. There are many things I don’t like about Facebook but I try to ignore them and get the best of it. Oh, you can set not to receive updates from people that are in your list, but you think they post dumb things. I did that too. And I know people that did the same with me. One even told me I am spamming him with my blog posts. He doesn’t like reading blogs, so for him this dumb :)))))


    • Lavinia says:

      I forgot to tell you about likes. The purpose of likes is mostly sharing. If I like something, my friends will see I liked that and maybe they are interested in that thing also. I have found out about a plane tickets promotion because a friend of mine liked it on someone else’s timeline. 🙂


  4. Sandra says:

    I HATE facebook; my friends (actual, real-life ones) just think I am anti-social and berate me for not reading whatever they post. Scrolling through facebook feels like sitting in a village square and snoop around at what other people are doing, only on facebook they actually come to tell you about it *turns nose in the air and snobs facebookers*. The only reason I have an account is to untag pictures of myself… Great blog by the way.


  5. SuperkatWins says:

    I enjoy your sense of humour. 🙂


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