So I woke up this morning with a headache, so my first thought is, of course – brain tumor – because it couldn’t just be a headache. There must be some underlying, devastating cause for me to be in so much pain. And then I remember that I’m trying to give up caffeine, so that’s probably why my head hurts, and I’m a little nauseated, and I want to kill everyone (not really).
I’ve been having a love-hate relationship with the stuff for going on a couple of decades now. It makes me jittery and nervous, but it’s the only thing that keeps me from sleeping twenty hours a day, especially at this time of year when the sun goes down at four in the afternoon. But even that isn’t working as well as it used to, because the other day I drank two very strong cups of tea only to fall asleep ten minutes later. At this point it’s either get healthy or switch to meth.
If anyone tells you that caffeine is not addictive, they are lying. I am an addict. I know this because I am a nicotine addict as well. I could say that I used to smoke, but that is not entirely accurate. I haven’t had a cigarette in over a year and a half (*waits for applause* – hooray for not slowly killing yourself) but I still want one. Every day. Just writing about it makes me want one. But I don’t, mostly because I can’t afford it, but also because I don’t like being a slave to a chemical.
That is exactly the way I feel about caffeine. I have some, in various forms, nearly every day since I was thirteen. I have quit smoking twice, but I’ve never been able to kick the juice for more than a day. Sugar sodas have ruined my teeth and waistline, but have only left me wanting more.
So, I’m going to take an aspirin and I’m going to try to quit again. You don’t need to hit me over the head with it any longer, I get it.
Also, if there’s one headache I don’t need, it’s another addiction.