So when I heard that J.J. Abrams was directing the Star Wars reboot I was all…meh. Now don’t get me wrong. Abrams is a skilled filmmaker and storyteller from the Spielberg school who has worked hard to produce many quality films and television shows. If by quality you mean meandering plot lines and endless back story that ultimately lead to an entirely unsatisfying conclusion. (That reminds me too much of my last girlfriend.)
It was a safe choice. A vanilla choice. A peanut butter on white bread choice. A typical corporate Disney choice.
But it got me wondering; who would I like to direct a new Star Wars movie?
- Joss Whedon – Because everything he touches is magic and I want to have his babies. Seriously, I cannot think of a single project that he has been involved with that I haven’t enjoyed. He has a great touch when it comes to blending action, drama, horror, and comedy. On the other hand, his creative spirit and energy would probably get crushed up and spat out by Big Mickey, and the fandom would blame him for any failure. I would not wish pissed off Star Wars fans on my worst enemy. Besides, anything that takes away from an Avenger sequel is a bad thing.
- Ridley Scott – I’m still picking my jaw up off the floor from the first time I saw Blade Runner. It was this film, probably more than any other, that inspired my love for the genre. It seems only fair that since A New Hope inspired the decision to make Alien, he ought to help inspire a new generation of film makers. Of course, he has to make up for Prometheus, but then Star Wars was never worried about things like science, clever dialogue, or the fact that a teenage girl is presumably leading a galaxy-wide rebellion. He should be fine.
- Peter Jackson – He has certainly proven he can pull his weight when it comes to epic fantasy, which is really what Star Wars is all about. He’ll never be able to do it however, as he will be making hobbit movies until his eleventy-first birthday.
- Kathryn Bigelow – Let’s face it. The directing world, especially in the sci-fi and fantasy genres, is still a sausage fest. What better message to send to today’s youth than to put a woman in charge. With movies like The Hurt Locker, K-19: The Widowmaker, and Point Break under her belt, she is no stranger to action film making. And since she’s not afraid upsetting Al Qaeda, she should be able to handle a few overzealous geeks.
- Guillermo del Toro – I would like to see him direct just for the awesome, creepy aliens you would see in the cantina. There would definitely be no risk of another Jar Jar Binks. His work has a rich, deep texture that is all but absent from major Hollywood releases. And he has a reputation of standing up for his artistic vision, so he wouldn’t back down to outside pressure.
- Quentin Tarantino – Because if anyone knows how to make something from the seventies relevant and exciting, it’s Tarantino. There would definitely be no dispute over who shot first, only who would be left standing at the end.
Whatever the film ultimately turns out to be, three things are certain: many people will be thrilled; many more will be disappointed and angry; and Disney will make A LOT of money.
Also, I can never forgive Abrams for red matter. That is a placeholder name if I’ve ever heard one.
- The Force Is With J.J. Abrams – Director To Helm First Disney ‘Star Wars’ Film (forbes.com)
- Star Wars, Star Trek and now Half Life and Portal? Damn, JJ! Leave some for the rest of Hollywood! (web1.aintitcool.com)
- The Hobbit’s Peter Jackson: Could He Go From Middle Earth To Star Wars? – Yahoo! News (coralvillecourier.typepad.com)
- How Lucasfilm coralled J.J. Abrams to direct next ‘Star Wars’ (news.cnet.com)
- Chewbacca, Yoda makeup artist Stuart Freeborn dies at 98 (todayentertainment.today.com)
- Star Wars 7: Guillermo Del Toro Turned Down the Directing Job – Here’s Why (uk.eonline.com)
- Guillermo Del Toro Was Approached For ‘Star Wars Episode VII’ But Was Too Busy to Consider Directing (slashfilm.com)
- Joss Whedon Wanted to Direct ‘Star Wars Episode VII’ (slashfilm.com)