There’s a Spammer Born Every Minute (or You’re Not Fooling Me)

I was feeling lazy today, so I’m going to let spammers write my post for me. Here’s some of the nice things numbered gmail accounts are saying about me [presented verbatim, with my comments in red].

• This is a comment to the webmaster. [She’s not available. Will the Dungeon Master do?] Your website is missing out on at least 300 visitors per day. [Do tell.] I came to this page via Google but it was hard to find as you were not on the front page of search results. [Stop looking for porn. See if that helps.] I have found a website which offers to dramatically increase your traffic to your website: [Redacted]. I managed to get over 10,000 visitors per month using their services, you could also get lot more targeted traffic than you have now. Hope this helps 🙂 Take care. [Oh I took care of it all right. *delete*]
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• [redacted blog link] Amenities include two outdoor swimming pools, fireside wine tastings so visitors can sample the award winning varieties of wine tasting. [Sip and spit, twisty straw, and head under spigot] Amenities include an outdoor swimming pools, fireside wine tastings direct from the nearest city Charlotte. [The sommelier has very long arms.] The nearby town of Floyd is host to lots of available parking. There is lots of available parking. [But is there parking?]
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• I’m getting a new computer for birthday present [Lucky you. And I should care why?] Truth is the daughter of time. [Step-daughter actually. Unfortunate encounter with the FedEx guy. We don’t talk about it.] What a pity! [Yes, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.] He is tough£¬but I am even tougher. [Are you talking to me?] Don’t trust to chance! [Put down the d20 and walk away.] We need to cooperate perfectly to win the game. [There is no “i” in “team”. There are two in “idiot”.] We need to cooperate perfectly to win the game. [I heard you the first time.] I caught the last bus.I really enjoyed myself. [On the bus…eww. It’s people like you who ruin public transportation.] How would you go to Beijing, by air or by train? [Considering the large ocean in the middle of my trip, I’m going to go with a plane. Then I remember what airport security is like, and I think I’d rather swim.]
• Excellent ideas throughout this post, personally Im gonna have to bookmark this and come back to it. Im curious if you have any follow ups to this post? [Apparently you missed the part of the title that said “Part One of…”]
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That was every spam comment in the bin when I checked last, and they’re all crap. C’mon spammers! You’re not even trying anymore.

Also, I don’t expect to get a lot of comments on this post.

About Sean Sandulak

Crazed recluse and sociophobe who has taken up writing after failing at everything else. Send pizza.