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“So, I’m talking to myself…wait, how does it go? So I’m talking to myself and I say ‘Hey, me!'”
“EEE-yeeesss!”
“You don’t have to say it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re Frank Nelson.”
“Who?”
“Never mind. This isn’t working.”
“What do you mean? I thought you were doing great.”
“Three months!”
“Huh?”
“Three months. We finally decide it’s my turn to go first and then nothing for three months.”
“Well, we had stuff and…you know, stuff.”
“That’s no excuse for being rude.”
“Fine, fine. So, what’s on our mind today?”
“I…umm…rats, I can’t think of anything.”
“So what are you complaining about?”
“That’s not the point. It’s about courtesy…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I think you just like to complain.”
“That’s not true!”
“Okay, say one positive thing about anything.”
“Umm…”
“Exactly. See, you can’t do it.”
“Sheesh. Give me a chance, will you.”
“Say something nice about cupcakes.”
“Again with the cupcakes.”
“Say it!”
“They…they…they make you fat and rot your teeth.”
“We’re not fat. We’re just big-boned.”
“That’s what she said.”
“What?”
“Never mind. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am too negative.”
“It’s all right. I’m used to it.”
“You mean it?”
“Sure. If you can’t love yourself, who else is going to?”
“I guess.”
“It’s probably just low blood sugar. Do you want to get a cupcake?”
“Yeah, I kinda do.”
Crazed recluse and sociophobe who has taken up writing after failing at everything else. Send pizza.
Verbatim Gibberish 
Thanks for the following.
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