Nothing (Photo credit: khalid Albaih)
So, I wish I could tell you about all the exciting things that happened to me this past week, but there aren’t any stories to tell.
- No rocks fell from the sky and hit me.
- No holes opened up in the ground to swallow me up.
- I wasn’t diagnosed with a terminal disease.
- I didn’t drown in a flood.
- My clothes never caught on fire. Not once.
- I didn’t win the lottery, but I didn’t get any bills either.
- I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
- Nobody noticed that I’ve lost weight.
- I didn’t slip in the shower.
- I wasn’t accused of being a witch.
- I wasn’t hit by a car. Or a truck or a bus or a train. Or a speed boat or a marmoset.
- I didn’t eat poison, or at least not enough.
- I didn’t spend any time in prison.
- None of my toenails fell off.
- I didn’t lose my sense of smell.
- I didn’t find ants in the kitchen.
- I wasn’t implicated in a plot to kill the President.
- No volcanoes exploded in my immediate vicinity.
- I didn’t have to sleep under a bridge.
- I wasn’t hunted for sport.
- None of my organs were harvested for the black market.
- I wasn’t forced to listen to a Celine Dion song over and over and over.
- I wasn’t stabbed or shot. Or bludgeoned with frozen trout.
- I didn’t have an aneurism while going to the bathroom.
- There were no high-speed chases ending in a shootout with the police.
- I didn’t forget how to tie my shoes.
- I didn’t do laundry, but I probably should.
- I wasn’t attacked by zombies. Or vampires or werewolves. Or mummies or ghouls or dragons or orcs or Klingons. Or giant lampreys or sentient mushrooms.
- I didn’t catch my wife cheating with my ex-wife.
- No eyes were lost or necks broken.
- I wasn’t electrocuted.
- I didn’t cut myself shaving.
- I wasn’t abducted by aliens and probed.
- I wasn’t denied my human rights.
- I didn’t fall into the bear exhibit at the zoo.
- Nobody called me a slut just for being a woman on the Internet.
Also, boring is sometimes underrated.
bored (Photo credit: rasc0b)
Pressing keys at random since 1995.
But you DID receive a death threat. Almost… And I’m not sure if that counts as last week or not…
Oh yeah. I forgot. I guess I didn’t count it because it wasn’t a “real” death threat.
Dammit. I gotta step it up. Wow, we really DO forget things we post quickly…
I was actually going to post this bit last Friday, but then something happened…I forget what…
Sounds like you actually had a pretty good week
I’ve had worse.
Haven’t we all?
I envy your week….