So, I had this dream last night where it was West Side Story, but all the characters were from Star Wars. Instead of the Jets and Sharks, it was the Jedi versus the Stormtroopers, Han was wandering through Spanish Harlem yelling “Leia”, and Jar Jar took a shiv in the kidney. It was going fabulously until the ewoks started dancing and woke me up. Teddy bears with spears freak me out. And then I find out that’s a real thing that people did.

Okay, now that the normal people have stopped reading this – Hi, new people!

I’ve been getting a rash of new followers for the past week or so, although I’m not sure why. I haven’t been posting. I know I said I would but then I forgot I had two hard deadlines this week and I couldn’t put them off. That’s all done now, so as soon as I check my 300 email messages I’m going to be turning my eye back to writing.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, new people. I try to check out all the new people when they take the time to follow me, but if you don’t hear from me there may be a reason.

Top Ten Reasons Why I’m Not Following You Back.

1. You are Spam Spammy McSpamspam. Or you look that way to me. If you’re not – design fail.

2. Ain’t nothing there. Hey guys, put up at least one post, m’kay?

3. Good god. If ALL you ever talk about is god this and god that, whichever side of the fence you are on, I’m already bored. You are free to believe what you want, just as I am free to ignore you. I like people with conviction and strong opinions, even ones I don’t always agree with, and if that is a part of your online persona, then that’s great. But I will not be preached at by either camp.

4. You think a blog is Facebook. Don’t post twelve times a day about what you had for breakfast, kitten gifs, or tell me now much you loved the last episode of Game of Thrones. That’s what Twitter is for. Blogging is for content providers, so put some meat in your sandwich. Yes, I am a social media snob.

5. You only post on full moons that fall on a Tuesday. The polar opposite of the oversharer, if I go to your site and you haven’t posted for three months, why should I follow and why are you blogging?

6. You didn’t link your blog to your Gravatar profile. I am lazy. Don’t make it hard for me to find your blog.

7. I am very busy.

8. You are many and I am one. I just can’t follow everyone sorry. I actually read the blogs I follow, unlike some people who mass follow everyone just to push up their numbers. I could do that and increase my audience tenfold overnight, but it feels like a douche move, so I don’t.

9. Speaking in tongues. I’ve tried to follow some foreign language blogs, but it’s too much of a hassle to translate each post, and the results are not always spectacular. Life is too short, so if your blog isn’t in English, I’m not going to read it.

10. I’m just not into you. It happens don’t take it personally. There are lots of other bloggers in the sea.

The Best Way To Get Me To Follow Your Blog.

1. Be awesome. I will have no choice but to follow.

2. Follow me. Duh.

3. Actually go to my site and read the posts.

4. Like me. Often. You don’t have to be sincere. But one like on one post will not get a response.

5. Leave a comment so I know you are a real person. (So far I have followed back nearly everyone who has ever made a comment)

6. Share on social media. I put the buttons there and everything.

That’s it for now. I will try to get the test of the story I stared last week up in the next few days.

Also, I am very tired. Zzzz…

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